Last day of second grade

 Ahhh, the last day of school. The end of second grade.

 Look how tall Jack is next to the tree now!

 This year went way, way, way better than first grade. Last summer I was pretty sure I should just homeschool Jack. This year? Yea, no. Academically it is still very, very easy. But he had a totally different style teacher this year and they worked together so much better. He has shown a lot of true social growth and maturity this year.  He even got in trouble once with the substitute! (A miracle for Jack who would never before act out in any way in school. It was over something silly - a dot on someone else's paper, but it really shows how much his teacher's focus on fun helped him step out of his shell.)

My passport to public speaking was a success too. He is doing so much better at answering people and speaking to people out in public instead of just hiding.

So the verdict on second grade is a total win.

He is going to ican bike camp here in two weeks to learn how to ride a bike (still a real challenge for him) and I am hoping that will give him an even greater sense of freedom and independence. And I am hoping to get him going on some tougher academic stuff this summer to stimulate that part a little bit too.

Now it's onward and upward to summer time!

(I am working a little bit every day on the yo-yo quilt. And making progress! It almost looks  like a quilt again.)

Not terribly exciting, but useful

My kids are security blanket kids. The very first thing I bought for each of them when I was pregnant is a "dandy" from pottery barn kids (the chamois stroller blankets). Two of them (you MUST have two security objects and rotate their use frequently, don't you know?)

Usually they don't get it until one year, when I start putting it in the crib with them.

But Grant was sleeping exclusively in the swing, so he was already cuddling his.

When I tried transitioning him to the swing I suspected he was missing chewing on his blanket.  But he is too little to sleep with such a big blanket. And there was no way in hell I was cutting up a $40 blanket.

Enter Ebay.

This is the same pattern as his Dandy, but different in color (his is orange). There are always outlet rejects on Ebay (usually from monogramming gone wrong, as seen here).

So I bought it for $20 I think.

And then I cut it up into four little dandies. Small enough so he can safely sleep with them, plus two back ups for rotation purposes.

I TOTALLY wish I had thought of this many, many moons ago. Because 1) I could have saved $$ and only bought each kid one blanket and 2) these are a much nicer size for dragging all over tarnation, leaving all over the house, etc.  and 3) you would have FOUR to rotate out instead of two (there is always a panic when one goes missing, even with two).

I realize this is not really great blog craft fodder, but I mention it in case someone is having a baby or thinking of a baby shower gift.  If you are in the market for a security blanket these blankets are the bomb diggity. Eight years later and Jack's is discolored but still completely intact - not a single hole in that thing. And it has been EVERYWHERE and then some.

*I am too lazy to unpick the monogram (or even attempt it), so the fourth one is now a dolly dandy.
**Despite thinking this is a way better idea when Ginty turns one he will get the big orange ones. I would never hear the end of it otherwise. "Why are their dandies bigger than mine??"
***Yes, Jackson still drags that cotton picking thing everywhere. In fact when the storms were raging here last night he made darn sure he had them BOTH and would not be parted with them because "if this place blows away these are irreplaceable." :-)

Flea market Monday

I went to several "garbage" sales on Saturday. As in, nothing but garbage here people why did you even bother?

As I was making my way back home I was thinking "you know, it's about time for my favorite yard sale to start up again." (She has a yard sale about once a month. I think she must buy out estates or something because it is a MASSIVE yard sale with different stuff every time. And it is always cheap.) It's pretty close to home and what do you think I saw on the way home? My favorite yard sale!

The day was saved.

Hats bought for the millinery flowers.

Which Sammi promptly tried on.

A whole box of teeny, tiny, tiny shells. I have been wanting Dave to make a Sailor's Valentine for years, but the shells are crazy $$$. (Martha did it in her mag several years ago, you might remember them on the cover?) Now we have plenty of shells!

Some Christmas. Or, in the words of Sammi - "I see ho! ho! I see 'soflakes'. I see star. Ohhh, I like it."

Chemical bottles. (Woohoo!)

Big pile of old dollhouse furniture that I have not even looked through yet. This is a long weekend and I hope to get the living room shelving sorted out since I bought myself another dollhouse too.

Oops.

A teeny cuckoo clock. I am going to paint it and replace the guts so it is a working clock for the kids playhouse.

A 2 foot tall box of garland. Tarnish proof is a bummer actually,but its on string. I *think* I might try trimming it so the tinsel part is shorter. We will see if I have the guts to do it.

And pottery. Yes I said I was taking it down. But it was 25 cents. COME ON.

And yes, Sammi's fingers are in nearly every single photo. Ahh, 2 year olds.

My kids are all sick. Hacking, snotty, sick. The week before memorial day. We should be swimming soon. Not drowning in kleenex. Stupid weather.

Found on a Friday

Yesterday I locked myself out of the house when I went out to get the bus. THANKFULLY I had both the babies with me. It took Jack and I a good 30 minutes to break in. Being locked out spurred my angrily cleaning out my very messy garage. Three hours later my garage is a garage again! I can actually walk through there to put poopy diapers in the outside trash 18 times a day again. :-)

I bought all this stuff last weekend at two garage sales. The flea is just really bad this year and targeting certain garage sales seems to be my luckiest bet.

These are child sized.

Two whole ornaments. :-)

These are also play sized. The cookie sheets say "cooky" on them.

The world's tiniest measuring cup.

I think this might be the top to a butter dish? Either way it's a good size for collecting whats its in places where that kind of stuff collects.

I really never buy old portraits...

But I was COMPLETELY smitten with this baby and his father. The way he is looking at that baby is just so sweet.

I paid a little more by targeting a yard sale, if they advertise it they obviously know what they have. BUT it saves me from driving around aimlessly. Which I tried too. And only bought one thing. It is a super awesome thing though, must get a photo soon.

And praise Jesus that it is finally Friday. We are taking all of the kids (nieces and nephews too) to get a portrait done tomorrow for my parents of all the grandkids.

THAT should be entertaining.

Wish me luck. LOL

I turned 38

 Yesterday was my birthday.

And for the first time in 8 years I didn't even bother to blog about it.

 I am so over life right now.

Jackson actually cried and carried on because we didn't have cake.

 But I don't want cake.

And I surely did not feel like partying in any way.

Nor did I feel like changing 18 poopy diapers.

I keep filling out these stupid forms in doctor's offices that ask things like - suffering from anxiety? depression? fatigue? insomnia? how able are you to do the things you enjoy doing?

And I keep telling people, you are kidding me right? I am suffering from all of the above. Plus I have two kids in diapers, one baby that wakes me up all night long, one two year old throwing tantrums, one 8 year old that is every bit as difficult as he was at 3 weeks or 3 years, too much pain to do anything enjoyable, a house to keep up with, and me? My give a fuck is broken people. BROKEN.

I cry over  not being able to open the orange juice for the kids (why are those caps so damn hard?). I cry over drama over the school party (I don't sign up for room mother stuff because I already know it's too much for me right now, and yet somehow I find myself with a plate full of room mother stuff today.) I cry over the constant work of juggling child care so I can go to yet another doctor's appointment.

I cry because the baby.never.stops.crying. I have no clue what is wrong with him, I have tried every damn thing under the sun and still that boy is the fussiest boy.

I cry because there is something on the calendar every single day until the fifth of June again.

So yea. I had a birthday and did not give one fuck about it.

When today dawned  I hauled the kids out in the yard. Sam did some painting (must find some watercolors), Grant rolled around grabbing the yo yo quilt and I worked on putting it back together.

Because I CLEARLY need something that gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment right now. 

21 more days until the calendar is open again. NOTHING else goes on that son of a bitching thing. Nothing until August.

I swear I will burn it if I have to.

Until then I am going to just try and get through each of these days and squeeze in a little yo yo time.

Can only eat the elephant one bite at a time...

Hapde Mother's Day

 This mothering gig is never a walk in the park for me.

 But these three goons make it all worth it.

 The house is filled with chaos - laughing, crying, tantrums, messes, food on the floors, diapers in every trash can.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 Especially when Jack picks out this card for mother's day this year.

 With a note that is still making me laugh.

Happy Mother's to all of you, no matter where  you may be on the journey.

I wish I could say

 I wish I could say that yesterday's doctors visit was super fabulous. That it was the best news I had heard all week. That it was such a relief.

 But the universe keeps throwing those rocks into my already full bucket. My overflowing bucket.

 I am pretty sure you never want to hear words like "have never seen this before" when someone is referring to your sphincter. So yea. I apparently have no muscle that they can even find for my internal sphincter, a tear in my external spinchter, a huge tear in my something or other muscle, plus the rectocele. And maybe the cystocele, it seems that is still debatable. "I can't believe you are not completely incontinent" was mentioned a time or two along with "only a matter of time."

Now I could freak out. And I wanted to. But I didn't. I came home and did something I have never, ever done.

I called my FIL. And I said "I seriously need your help figuring this out."

And I do. He is a doctor and I need him to help me figure out who on earth is going to put humpty dumpty back together again. Because I am pretty damn sure I need superman.

On the plus side several things have come out of all of this. 1) Just when I think the worst possible thing has happened to me (or the kids), something worse comes along. There is a long way to the bottom of shit hill apparently. 2) I thought infertility had changed me. And it did. But I was not done changing. Having this has caused me to realize I am carrying a lot of rocks around. Too many rocks. My load is now so heavy that I just wander along through life like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of rocks behind me. I am forced to unburden my pockets. All those little things the past 38 years are dropping off me on the trail. I mean nothing says desperate like discussing your vagina with your estranged FIL, right? 3) I have to figure out how to come out on the other side of this somehow. The journey to the other side is not going to matter as long as I find myself on the other side at some point. And I KNOW there is another side. It's at least 6 months away, but it's there.

 Someone asked where I keep all the quilts. The biggest chunk of them are in this pink cabinet Dave built me.

 Then I filled up this one too. (And the top of it also. Ahem.)

So I unloaded a bunch of tablecloths so I could take over the top shelf of the tablecloth cabinet too.

And it is completely full as well.

Time to deaccession again? Nah, not yet.

The quilts

Maybe this is a case of ask and you shall receive.

Despite the fields in Iowa being nearly empty, I found two quilts I had just put on my wish list last week.

A HOT MESS of a yo yo quilt.

It was cheap. Cheap.

And made from a huge variety of super great vintage fabrics.

This MOUNTAIN is the pile of loose yo yos. I am hopeful there are enough in the mountain to put it back together.

But first I have to figure out how to even approach that task.

The woman I bought this from told me her daughter had died from cancer and had left 8 tubs full of old sewing projects behind. She found her SIL trying to BURN THEM all and rescued them. Thank you strange lady for that.

This quilt was one of a matched pair. The other was in rough condition and I was down to my last $20 bill, so I only bought this one. The picture does not do it justice. It is the perfect shade of light pink.

With the sweetest flowers ever.

And the second quilt on my wish list was a good little star.

Honestly, I just die over the loveliness of each and everyone of my quilts.

The quilting on this one is machine done and a more modern looking pattern to me. Wonder what it's history is.

I got the pleasure of two new fillings yesterday plus managing three kids in the dentist's office. That was a good time. But not nearly as good of a time as I will be having tomorrow since tomorrow I get to have an ass ultrasound. Oh yes, that's right, an ass ultrasound since the urogyn suspects my tear from Grant has involved my sphincter muscle. I am telling you I am ready to stand in the yard in a lightening storm and just yell okay God, bring it now and let's get it over with it.  On Monday I resume the hunt for a doctor who will get me the damn lyme disease test.